Please shove it in my face!

For a couple of weeks I have been very down. In less than one week I will be 35. I know this does not sound very old to most people out their but to me this is a very sad age for me. In fertility years this is the age that pretty much ends it all. From here on any chances of me getting pregnant or having a baby goes down. Needless to say I am sad.

I thought I was doing ok but I just found out that one of the teachers I work with is pregnant, a friend of mine just had a baby and another friend of mine is now pregnant. The worst part of this is that she didn't even tell me. I found out through facebook. I know everyone is saying that she wouldn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me (especially because she didn't want anymore children). I have to say though that she has hurt me even more because she didn't tell me and she has stopped responding to any communication from me.

So here I am again.... In a depression that it gets harder and harder to pull myself out of it. I love it when people tell me I should be happy with what I have. It sure is easy to say when you are standing there holding your baby in your hands to give this advice to someone else who will never have what they have always wanted. I know I have great things in life but I am SAD!!!

I just have to remember to breathe in and out everyday.... Enjoy the things I have and wash my hands of those who have abandoned me. I just wish it was that easy!

Time Continues

Five Years ago, January 12 at 7:52 am, I lost my husband of almost 6 years marriage. Bruce was so many things to me, a husband, a lover, a friend and my soulmate.



How can five years feel like just yesterday, for the good and the bad. Every year I think it won't be as hard and every year it seems just a little bit harder. I miss him. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart and just won't let go.

Life is a beautiful thing. There are so many things to cherrish, small and large. Bruce and my marriage was filled with wonderful times and hard times, but we made the most of all the times we had. Bruce had a spirit about him that would find good in everything.



Time continues... Each day Bruces has been gone that much longer. My life continues with a new husband, who I love so much. We have a full life and enjoy ever minute we have together. My past experiences have taught me to cherrish and hold on to what I have.

Tonight I will think of my Bruce and let him know how much it ment to be his wife and how much I miss him.

I may have only had a short time with him but I am happy to say that he was my husband and I love him dearly. I love you Bruce.

In Review

The new year is here and like many people I like to take a few minutes to reflect on the year I have just finished. I have to say that I believe it has been a very good year.
My husband and I both have jobs that make our life comfortable. So many times I only think about all the things in my life I don't have and that I want, but right now I am thinking about what I have and for once in my life I feel like I am in a very comfortable situation. I thank God for this everyday, because I know it can go as fast as it came.
Everyone complains about their job and even though I do my fair share of complaining, I do love my job. Tuesday morning when my students come in they will act like they haven't seen me in 100 years. They hug you and let you know how much they missed you. I am going to try to not complain as much about my job and enjoy it a little more. I am going to open my eyes and see the children for what they are.

Vacation is something that my husband and I enjoy. This year we took at trip to Colorado. I had a chance to show him my favorite place where my mother use to bring me when I was a child. He also had a chance to conquer Pikes Peak. We had a great time.

I have come to find that the fun and amazing time in our life doesn't have to cost a lot of money or even have to leave our house. We take time for the things that count friends, family and each other. We make new traditions and keep the ones of our family.

I am looking forward to the year to come. I am going to try new things and enjoy every minute I have with my loved ones!