Please shove it in my face!

For a couple of weeks I have been very down. In less than one week I will be 35. I know this does not sound very old to most people out their but to me this is a very sad age for me. In fertility years this is the age that pretty much ends it all. From here on any chances of me getting pregnant or having a baby goes down. Needless to say I am sad.

I thought I was doing ok but I just found out that one of the teachers I work with is pregnant, a friend of mine just had a baby and another friend of mine is now pregnant. The worst part of this is that she didn't even tell me. I found out through facebook. I know everyone is saying that she wouldn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me (especially because she didn't want anymore children). I have to say though that she has hurt me even more because she didn't tell me and she has stopped responding to any communication from me.

So here I am again.... In a depression that it gets harder and harder to pull myself out of it. I love it when people tell me I should be happy with what I have. It sure is easy to say when you are standing there holding your baby in your hands to give this advice to someone else who will never have what they have always wanted. I know I have great things in life but I am SAD!!!

I just have to remember to breathe in and out everyday.... Enjoy the things I have and wash my hands of those who have abandoned me. I just wish it was that easy!

Time Continues

Five Years ago, January 12 at 7:52 am, I lost my husband of almost 6 years marriage. Bruce was so many things to me, a husband, a lover, a friend and my soulmate.



How can five years feel like just yesterday, for the good and the bad. Every year I think it won't be as hard and every year it seems just a little bit harder. I miss him. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart and just won't let go.

Life is a beautiful thing. There are so many things to cherrish, small and large. Bruce and my marriage was filled with wonderful times and hard times, but we made the most of all the times we had. Bruce had a spirit about him that would find good in everything.



Time continues... Each day Bruces has been gone that much longer. My life continues with a new husband, who I love so much. We have a full life and enjoy ever minute we have together. My past experiences have taught me to cherrish and hold on to what I have.

Tonight I will think of my Bruce and let him know how much it ment to be his wife and how much I miss him.

I may have only had a short time with him but I am happy to say that he was my husband and I love him dearly. I love you Bruce.

In Review

The new year is here and like many people I like to take a few minutes to reflect on the year I have just finished. I have to say that I believe it has been a very good year.
My husband and I both have jobs that make our life comfortable. So many times I only think about all the things in my life I don't have and that I want, but right now I am thinking about what I have and for once in my life I feel like I am in a very comfortable situation. I thank God for this everyday, because I know it can go as fast as it came.
Everyone complains about their job and even though I do my fair share of complaining, I do love my job. Tuesday morning when my students come in they will act like they haven't seen me in 100 years. They hug you and let you know how much they missed you. I am going to try to not complain as much about my job and enjoy it a little more. I am going to open my eyes and see the children for what they are.

Vacation is something that my husband and I enjoy. This year we took at trip to Colorado. I had a chance to show him my favorite place where my mother use to bring me when I was a child. He also had a chance to conquer Pikes Peak. We had a great time.

I have come to find that the fun and amazing time in our life doesn't have to cost a lot of money or even have to leave our house. We take time for the things that count friends, family and each other. We make new traditions and keep the ones of our family.

I am looking forward to the year to come. I am going to try new things and enjoy every minute I have with my loved ones!

Thankful

At this time of the year my emotions run high. I miss the ones I lost and I love the ones I have. I try to see the things I have and be thankful for what I do have. Tonight I am going to be thankful for the things I have.

I am thankful for my mom. She is the best mom anyone could ever have. I talk to her every morning and she means the world to me. She is my best friend. We do many thing shop, scrapbook, watch movies, and sometimes just watch trash TV. I appreciate every minute I have with my mom. She is the best there is. If they were looking to write a book on what a good mom is she should be the example they use.

I am thankful for my husband. I am very fortunate to have been loved by two wonderful men. They have both treated me like I am the only thing there is. Russell is my current husband and he is wonderful. I am the queen of his world. He knows I have been through a lot but has opened his heart to include my family from my first husband and my family. He is always ready to go and make memories. I love him so.

I am thankful for my job. I came home from Kindergarten one day and told my mom I wanted to be a teacher. Many years later here I am "a teacher" 11 years. WOW!.. Everyday my kids are excited to be at school and to see me. They love me. I get to see the moments when the light bulb comes on and they start learning. They make me feel needed and wanted.

I do have many more things that I am thankful for. I need to remember when I get low there are so many things that could be worse. Thank you God for the good things in my life.

A Prayer

Dear God,
Tonight I am praying for peace. Peace in my life, Peace in my mind, Peace in my heart.

This day has been a very hard day. Actually I should say this week, but today it all came to a head. Last weekend my good friend informed me that she was going to have a baby. Now please don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, very happy for her. Even though I am happy for her, I have been getting sadder and sadder as this week has gone on. I feel the depression seeking up on me. Everyday I remind myself of the wonderful things I have and that my life is great! Even though I remind myself of these things it doesn't kept me from thinking of the things I have lost in the past and the things I can not have. This morning at school it was just to much and in the bathroom I feel apart (tears and sobbing) and then had to pull myself back together because there were 30 children on their way to school for me to education.

I have always been told that I am a stong person. Sometimes my strong side retreats and leaves me weak.... very weak. I know in a day or so I will return to the person I know I am and will continue on with my life, enjoying the good things and keep going. For now though I look to the heavens and asked God for the help I need to get through this night.

New School Year

A new school year is here. I have gone silent. I have had good ideas for blogging just haven't followed through with it. Oh well maybe another day!

"Why don't friends with kids have time?"

This article has been passed around facebook and every stay home mom out there are just singing it's praises. Well not being a stay home mom and not having children at all I find myself hating the article and hating the people cheering for it. Now please don't get me wrong. I know that stay at home moms work very hard and are very busy. I also know being a teacher and taking care of 30 children a day, going home with work from school and taking care of my home and family that I am very busy too. I also know that I have have not stopped communication with my friends.

I have friends who have children and when I call them they will let me know if they are busy or not. They will also call me back if they can not talk at that moment. I have also had friends that I can call and call and call and never hear back from them. I understand you are busy! BUT a friendship is a relationship and if this relationship is going to continue and grow it takes give and take from both sides. I feel like as a good friend I understand that you need time to yourself and that you will not always be able to talk when I call. I also understand that now when we do something it will include your children. I am fine with that but in return sometimes I would like when you are taking your 10 minutes to yourself that you might think of me and pick up the phone, send me an e-mail or even just text me.

Friendships are like marriages if you don't work at it they die. Some of your friends may not have children by choice, some might want children but can't have them. Stop treating your childless friends like the enemy! They are not trying to start a war with you. They are just trying to be a part of your life.

I know that I have not spent a day in a stay at home mother's shoes, but they have not spent a day in my shoes. Dealing with other people and their children, being yelled at about something I can not do anything about or coming home wanting a minute to sit down and have a conversation with my husband but I have more work to do and phone calls to make (mind you to "parents" who couldn't care less what is going on with their children, some being stay at home moms). In the end everyone no make what your "job" is can make time for their friends if they care enough!

Where the Wild Things Are

I felt as a teacher I should see the movie Where the Wild Things Are. This is one of my favorite books. I hate when they make movies out of my favorite kid books because they seem to always mess them up. Others have told me that this movie was great so I thought I should give it a chance.

Right now I am sitting here watching Where the Wild Things Are and all I can say is I hate it. I can't stand Max. In the book I know Max is bad but I don't think he was as out of control as this little boy is.

The more I watch this movie I find that I don't blame Max as much as I did at the beginning. Parents can be so unaware of what their children need. Especially boys! They have these precious children and then think they will raise themselves. As I watch Max with the wild things I realize he needs friends, love, attention and an outlet for all the energy he has. Parents forget what it is like to be a kid. Imagining, jumping, crashing, singing, spinning etc..

The movie is over and all I have to say is the book was much better. I find it funny that at the end of the movie he comes home and his mother feeds him dinner and dessert and even though you could tell she was relieved to have him home she doesn't say anything. I know it was because it was a movie but I don't think I could be silent.

Teacher of the Year

I will never be teacher of the year!

I have never thought I really had a bucket list but here lately I have started thinking about the things in life I want and have started writing things down. One thing I have always thought would be very cool is to be teacher of the year. Now I know that is a long shot and I know it will probably never happen. But boy wouldn't it be Great!

Tonight I realized this is something that will never happen. I am not the type of teacher that will ever win this award. I am not the teacher jumps every time I am asked and that does things just because someone tells me too. I do the things I know work with my students. I am a hard worker and will go the extra mile. I keep in touch with my parents, stress myself out making plans that I know my students will love and in the end I know that my students are better because of that.

In the end I will remember that it doesn't matter what awards I win, how others feel about me or what hoops I jump through. What really matters is that I give my students my best and no matter what I will know I make a difference.

Worry

My Grandmother is going in for a bi pass surgery next week, which has made me start thinking. I have been thinking about everything she is going to need. The family is rallying together to help her. Some are staying with her, some are bringing meals, etc. Then I started to think about my life. In the past months I have had to start thinking about my life without children. What will my life be like? Will I be able to handle not having children? What does my future look like?
Last night everything came together and I feel apart. When I am my grandmother's age the only person I might have is my husband. There will be no one there to stay and help. No one there to bring meals. No one there to even care. I am so scared! I don't want to be alone!

I want to grow old with my husband and at Christmas time I want our children to come home with the grand kids. I want to have all the handmade ornaments on the tree. I want to have traditions with my family.

Everyday I go to work and look at the children in my class and it just gets wonder what it would be like to actually get to be the mom. Get to see them when they get home and snuggle and love on them. People tell me that even if I don't have children I still have the children I teach. Well let me tell you those children forget me. I don't get to love them the way a mother loves her child. I don't get to snuggle down and read them books. And at the end of the night I come home to my wonderful husband and no child.
I don't know how to make the pain go away. I know I will be fine becasue "I am Strong". I just Worry, about what is to come and if I can make it through. For now I try to look for the great things in my life (which I do have).

For those of you who have children and grandchildren you will never understand what people who can't have children feel. Even when you are just trying to be nice it still hurts.

10 YEARS

When I first started teaching I was amazed by the teachers who had been teaching for more than five years. "Wow, I have such a long road until I will be to 5.. or even 10 years."



Now I am sitting at the end of my tenth year... 10 YEARS! This has been a long road coming but sitting her at the end of ten years I look back and all I can say is "wow that went fast."


The Good :
I have to say getting to know new people has been one of the highlights of teaching. I don't only get to know the children but I get to know their families. I met some good friends through teaching. I love watching the students when they figure out they can actually do things on their own. I also feel like I make a difference. I work hard so my students have a better start to their educational life. When they leave me I have done everything in my power to make the independent kids who are prepared for what is coming their way.

The bad :
Even though being a teacher is very rewarding there are a few drawbacks to it. If you end up in a school where the administration isn't great, then everyone suffers. You can be the best teacher in the world but there is only so much you can do with bad administration. Another bad thing about teaching is that the people in charge of deciding what the children will learn actually know nothing about how they learn. They forget that these are children and need breaks, time to move and time to PLAY and have FUN.

The funny:
One of the best things about working with little children is that they are very blunt and say some of the funniest things. Here are a few of my favorites from over the years!

D comes to school and tells me that he won't be at school anymore. I asked him why and he responded that he would be dead. (Wondering what was going on I asked why he would be dead) He said "My mom said if I didn't clean my room.... (then he just shook his head) I figured that the end of that statement was the she was going to kill him. LOL.

During a screening a child asked me when she got to scream. I said we weren't going to scream and she replayed that her mother told her that the were going to a Screaming to get into school.

At Thanksgiving one of our student's mom was pregnant and we asked at Thanksgiving what is your mom going to have... The child thought for a minute and responded "A Turkey" I am sure the baby kind of looked like a turkey but that the response I was looking for.

I have had my ups and downs through the last 10 years. I have learned a lot and I feel like I have grown to be a better teacher. I started as a teacher who was afraid to stand in front of a group and talk. I hated to have to inform parents of their children's short comings. Now these things come easier and easier every year. This is to the Ten years behind me and the many years yet to come. May they be wonderful!!

Angry, Frustrated .... OK I AM REALLY PISSED OFF!!

Before spring break we had a field trip. I asked all the parents to leave the children's backpacks and name tags at home. I was very proud that just two students brought a backpack. I told the students that they would have to leave their backpacks at school and would get them when we returned to school. I try very hard not to take anything extra with us on a field trip. I have enough responsibilities making sure we have all the students and that they are all behaving.

Well we went on our field trip and it was a lot of fun. Everyone was good and had a great time. When we returned to the school the parents were there to pick up the students. One of our students that brought their backpack started having a fit because they wanted to take it home. I explained to the parent and the child that the door was locked and he would have to get it on the next day of school. The child not accepting this and the fit getting a little worse I told him that I could send it home with his brother or he could leave it. I didn't mind sending it home, I just wasn't going to run and get it right then. The child was ok with us sending it home and left with his parent. Everything was just fine.

UNTIL....

When I went to take the backpack to the brother one of the other employees at our school stopped me and said " Oh let me tell you about this backpack." She then proceeds to tell me that this child wouldn't get out of the car that morning because he didn't have his backpack. She went and got a new backpack out of her room and gave it to him so he would get out of the car. I told her that because she did this, it cause another fit later that day. She kinda shrugged it off and went on.

All I can say is what is our school coming to. I don't know if other schools are like this but I know ours is. The child throws a fit and people are waving things in front of them asking Do you want this? Or this? Or how about this? Would you like me to stand on my head and spin around?

SERIOUSLY!!!! Are we getting these students ready for the real world or are we teaching them that no matter what they do we will bend over backwards to make them happy so they don't throw a fit. I do believe that we have some students who are very hard to handle and we do need to figure out what works with them. If it be that they need breaks or a rest time, I am all for that. I will not reward a student for doing what every other child does without a reward.

My feeling is, that child should have been left in the care and if he was going to throw a fit he could stay in the car until he was done. If he didn't stop then his parent could just take him home. The only thing leave through what happened is that the some people in our school do not have a clue and this child now knows if he throws a big enough fit he will get whatever he wants.

Footprint in the Sand

Do you ever feel lost? I feel lost! I feel like God shows me the path but when I try to start down it it isn't recognizable anymore. Just like footprints in the sand you can see them until the waves come crashing in.
I feel the older I get the more I question where my life is going. What the purpose of my life is and if there is even a purpose. I just want God to drop it in front of me and say Here it is, like it or not, this is what your life holds for you. If that were the case then I could read it and know ok this is what I have to work with and make it that happiest life I could. This whole thing with not knowing what is going to happen and getting your hopes up for something you may never have. It hurts. If you know me, you know have a very strong faith in God. I believe he has a reason for everything he does and that one day we will understand that reason. My biggest issue is that even though I know everything is for a reason I have trouble being ok with the fact that I don't know the reason. I keep telling myself that not having a child isn't a big deal. Russell and I can travel and we have the freedom to come and go as we please. I also tell myself that maybe God is sparing us the heartache of having a child with a disability. Knowing all this why do I fall about when I see a pregnant woman? Why do I have such a urge to hold a baby? I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but I see these people who have more children than they know what to do with and have no way to support them and they do nothing with them. The only question I have when I see that is WHY? Why them and not me? What have I done wrong?

I have many people around me that want to make it better and telling everything is going to be alright. There are also people who don't come around me because they have children and they don't know how to deal with me and my emotions. Guess what it isn't easy dealing with the emotions form this side either.
Here lately I have felt very lost in my life. I hope that I can find the path God has laid out for me and be happy with where ever it leads me.

Bruce Dean Brunkow 1971-2005

This year Bruce and I would have been married 10 years. Wow! 10 years. We had been married for about six years when he passed away. It was a very long six years. We spent a lot of time in the hospital and fighting doctors. Even though there were hard times we were in love. Bruce was my first love. He always made me feel special and he truly cared about me.


The night Bruce asked me to marry him he took me to a small park in St. Joe. We had been there for a few hours. As the sun went down I could tell he was up to something because I was cold and he was acting weird. He finally did it. He got down on his knee and asked me. Of course I said yes. He gave me a beautiful ring with our birthstones on each side of the diamond. He was so excited when he got the ring that he wasn't about to wait.

Bruce was a man of many talents. He was a chef in the kitchen. Bruce did wonderful things with food. He made the best brisket I have ever tasted. I haven't had brisket that tasted like his since. Bruce was also born with two green thumbs. I could look at a plant and kill it, while he could cut a piece of a plant off and grow a whole bush from it. Bruce also was very mechanically inclined. He was always changing things on his car, adding new lights and fixing things that probably didn't need to be changed. He was really into medicine and would watch any show that he could see an operation preformed. He drove the doctors crazy with all his questions and the fact the he actually knew what he was talking about.

Bruce and I had grand plans.(What is the saying, Life happens while your making plans) We wanted to buy a house, travel, and have a family. Bruce's health problems put our plans on hold. We were unable to buy a house. We did do some traveling that we enjoyed. During the last year we were asked to adopt a baby of on of my students parents. We were so excited! We were sure it was a gift from God. Bruce was so funny to watch. We fitted the car seat in the car. After I came back inside, Bruce stayed outside and kept checking it. The month before Bruce passed our baby girl was born and passed away two days later. We never got to see her or hold her. Bruce's heart was broken. It was right before Christmas. That was the worst Christmas we ever had.

Some great things about Bruce:
He had an evil look when he was up to nothing good.
He was a great cook.
He loved children and animals.
He got very excited to open gifts on his birthday or at Christmas.
He loved Christmas and Christmas music.
He was a caring person who would anything for anyone.
and there was so much more!!!



I miss Bruce everyday. It is hard for me to go through a day without having many reminders of him, the smell of his cologne, the way someone walks or just a song on the radio. I cherished everyday I had with Bruce I have no regrets from our life together. I will miss him always and treasure the time with had together.

May Bruce and his baby girl, Mariska, rest in Peace.

A man as good as Bruce was should never be forgotten.
If you knew Bruce and what to share something about him please leave it in a comment.

Reflection of the Past Year

This last year has been one of different emotions. I have struggled over the last year with where I belong and who I want in my life. I have to remind my self to count the blessings I have and not morn over the blessings I don't have. I have also looked to the future tried to see how I would be in different lives.

Through my struggle with infertility In the last year I have found that some people I used to consider very close friends are not what they've always seemed. Infertility is a very hard situation to be in. I have tried very hard to be supportive of others who are having children and to be happy for the. Even though after the fact I feel like my heart is being literally pulled out. I am happy for these other people, even if they do not think so. I have lost a few relationships because of this problem. I know that part of this is me and even though I have tried I can only do try so hard. After reading up on infertility and how to deal with others who are having children, I found that it isn't all my fault. The people having babies need to understand some what that no matter how happy I am for the this is a terribly hard situation for me. Going to see people you love shouldn't end with tears and depression every time. I don't feel like I am asking to much, just a little consideration of my feelings and emotions. If I step out for a few minutes to have a short cry, no offense should be taken to this. It doesn't mean I don't like you, It doesn't mean that I hate your child, It just means I am emotional and I need a minute. After trying to work through this without losing any family or friends I finally had to come to the conclusion that I had to do what was best for me. I have cut off communication with a few friends and even some family. The funny thing is I think this actually hurt me more than them. I think they don't really care that I have done this. All this shows me is that these weren't relationships worth keeping.

Over the last year I have preach a little better than I practice. I encourage others to count their blessings. I have found that I morn the blessings I don't have more than I count the ones I do. I have to literally remind myself to think about what I do have. So for a reminder here are some of my blessings.

1. A husband that loves me unconditionally.

2. A mother that is like my best friend.

3. A step Dad who loves me.

4. A very good job.

5. A home to live in.

6. A few very good friends.

7. A great assistant at school.

8. The means to take vacations with my husband.

9. Healthy enough to do most of the things we want.

10. Being able not to have to pop a pill to make it through the day or to have a good day.

In 2010 I plan to continue to count all the blessings I have.

I have taken some time in the last few months to imagine myself in different futures. What would my life be like if we never had children? What would it be like if we did? What would it be like if we adopted a baby? Could we even adopt a baby? I have thought about all these different situations many, many times. Sometimes thinking about it makes me sad other times it doesn't bother me. I have just decided I am going to keep things in perspective. I have a great live and no matter what I do or don't get in the future shouldn't change that. My life is what I make of it. So today, Tomorrow and the other days to come, I am going to try with my full heart to make each day the best day it can be. I am going to smile, love and enjoy. This is the life God has given me and I am going to truly try to stop taking advantage of it.

Looking back over the last year I can't say it was bad. In fact is was pretty good. There have been the ups and downs. Changes have happened but I believe in life changes have to happen. So here is to 2010 may it be better than last year and bring great things to life!!

Christmas Thoughts

Merry Christmas!!



I have to say Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I love the looks on children's faces when they talk about what they want and Santa! This is the time of year when magic is real and people go out of their way to help others who need a helping hand. Every year I try to help someoone that needs it. I usually pick someone that I know so I see what comes of the gift. This year it was a student from school. I had so much fun shopping for them and then I actually got to see the them wear some of the clothese to school. They were so excited to wear to new boots and coat I got them. I think if everyone who take a minute to help some who needs it everyone would have a great Christmas.

Four Years Old

Today is the day my baby girl would have been four years old. WOW! Four years old. It is very strange to think because I still have a nursery with clothes, blankets and all the baby things you would ever need. It has been four years and the room is still for a baby and today my little girl would have been a big girl.

For the past few weeks I have been thinking about how she would be this year. She would be so excited about Christmas and Santa Claus. She would have sang at church and would have been excited to see the baby Jesus. She would have ornaments on the tree, to represent the years of her life and would have a very special dress for the up coming holiday. I was Christmas shopping the other day and saw ornaments. I wondered which ornament I would have bought for her this year. Would it have been a barbie one or maybe a ballerina.

When I go to bed at night I imagine myself holding her and singing to her. Every night I rock my baby to sleep. Tonight I think she will look different than she ever has in my imagination. I will still rock her and love her. This is something that no one can take away from me. Maybe someday I will have a child that I can celebrate these wonderful events with.... until then I have my thoughts to help me make it through.

Thanksgiving and Thankful

Thanksgiving is just two days away. At this time of year I try to get my students to understand that even if they don't have as much as they would like, they still have more than some children do. I take a few minutes to reflect on my own life and count the blessings I have. Myself like many of my students, there are so many of things I would like to have in my life that I don't. I have also lost a lot in my life, but today I am going to be thankful.

I am thankful for my husband. When he looks at me I can see he is more and more in love with me. He has filled my empty spot. Everyday with him is a new adventure.

I am thankful for my mom. For someone who has never had any siblings I really feel like my mom and I are like sisters. We talk about everything. I am so blessed to have a mother like mine. She wants to spend time with me and wants to be a part of my life.

I am thankful for my Dad. We have had our ups and downs but I am happy I have him. I know he would do anything for me and I would do the same for him.

I am thankful that I have job and money to do all the wonderful things we want to.

I am thankful for my two cats who are my children. They are my babies.

With the holiday season approaching and gifts are being bought. I will remember that if I didn't have anything, I would still have everything.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Old, Overweight and Balding

I have been searching through my graduating class on facebook this weekend. Now I have done this a couple of times before but this time I really noticed something about some of these people I went to school with. Not all of them look as young as they use to. It has finally hit, I am 33 and the people I went to high school are now starting to look old.

I look at some of the guys that I would have gone to the end of the earth to date and they are old. As I look at them I find myself asking why did I ever like them. They wouldn't have been good to me and then I look at my husband and understand why the relationships when I was young didn't or wouldn't have worked out. This is real love.

Tonight with a heart full of love, I can truly say that I have the best life I could have. There are many things I have wanted in my life that I don't have but maybe that is how it was suppose to be.

The doormat

Let me introduce myself I am "doormat". This is my 10th year teaching and I have never been made to feel more like a doormat as I have in the last few years. This year it seems to have really hit hard.
When I was growing up I always thought of teachers as being these wonderful people who loved everyone and who were looked highly appon. Teachers were the people who were there to help you do the best you could do. They were people everyone looked up too.

Boy how times have changed. I teach preschool and I am not looked at as much more than a glorified babysitter, by parents and even some colleauges.

Today really brought this to light for me. I had a parent coming for a second try at an orientation, after standing me up for the first one. Last week I scheduled this appointment with the parents and repeated the day and time twice before I got off the phone with her. So today at 12:00 I stood in the office and waited, 12:05, and waited 12:10, and waited, 12:20. No show! For the second time this parent had made me wait for over 20 minutes for her and for the second time she didn't show up. I might as well have layed down on the floor and let her walk on me and whip her feet.
Our progam is volunteery and has a waiting list. I decided that because this parent didn't take the responsiblity to make it to the orientation that we would just go on to the next child on the list and give them a chance to go to school. The higher ups all agreed so that is what we did. Knowing that sooner or later I was going to have to deal with this mother I finished my day and after dropping my students off at the busses I went into the office to find this parent sitting in the office waiting for me. She greeted me with a "good afternoon". I proceeded to remind her that her meeting was set up for 12:00pm. She then told me that she had called and left a message that she wouldn't be able to make it but would be at the school at 4:00-5:00. This message that I didn't receive made me feel like I was talking to the cable people (we will be there sometime between 1-5). I then informed this parent that this isn't the way I do things. I set the meeting up for a specific time and she couldn't just call and leave me an hour window that she might show up for and expect me to be there. I have other meetings and obligations that I am expected to do. I then informed her that his place in the class had been give to the next student on the list. She then became upset and let me know that I had just been wasting her time!?!?!

WOW! Now in this whole situation I thought I was the one who had been put out! I thought I was the one who's time had been wasted! I guess I was wrong. I should just understand that this woman should get as many chances as she wants to get this done. In fact I should just hang out at the school until she decides she wants to come and do this orientation. I know, how about we just have teachers be on call and then whenever parents feel like getting a hold of us we will be a there whim.

*breaths out* I am tired!! I am tired of parents not doing anything to help! I am tired of not getting the respect I deserve! AND I am tired of teachers being blamed for everything that is wrong with children, school and learning.