My Quiet Place

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Angry, Frustrated .... OK I AM REALLY PISSED OFF!!

Before spring break we had a field trip. I asked all the parents to leave the children's backpacks and name tags at home. I was very proud that just two students brought a backpack. I told the students that they would have to leave their backpacks at school and would get them when we returned to school. I try very hard not to take anything extra with us on a field trip. I have enough responsibilities making sure we have all the students and that they are all behaving.

Well we went on our field trip and it was a lot of fun. Everyone was good and had a great time. When we returned to the school the parents were there to pick up the students. One of our students that brought their backpack started having a fit because they wanted to take it home. I explained to the parent and the child that the door was locked and he would have to get it on the next day of school. The child not accepting this and the fit getting a little worse I told him that I could send it home with his brother or he could leave it. I didn't mind sending it home, I just wasn't going to run and get it right then. The child was ok with us sending it home and left with his parent. Everything was just fine.


When I went to take the backpack to the brother one of the other employees at our school stopped me and said " Oh let me tell you about this backpack." She then proceeds to tell me that this child wouldn't get out of the car that morning because he didn't have his backpack. She went and got a new backpack out of her room and gave it to him so he would get out of the car. I told her that because she did this, it cause another fit later that day. She kinda shrugged it off and went on.

All I can say is what is our school coming to. I don't know if other schools are like this but I know ours is. The child throws a fit and people are waving things in front of them asking Do you want this? Or this? Or how about this? Would you like me to stand on my head and spin around?

SERIOUSLY!!!! Are we getting these students ready for the real world or are we teaching them that no matter what they do we will bend over backwards to make them happy so they don't throw a fit. I do believe that we have some students who are very hard to handle and we do need to figure out what works with them. If it be that they need breaks or a rest time, I am all for that. I will not reward a student for doing what every other child does without a reward.

My feeling is, that child should have been left in the care and if he was going to throw a fit he could stay in the car until he was done. If he didn't stop then his parent could just take him home. The only thing leave through what happened is that the some people in our school do not have a clue and this child now knows if he throws a big enough fit he will get whatever he wants.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Footprint in the Sand

Do you ever feel lost? I feel lost! I feel like God shows me the path but when I try to start down it it isn't recognizable anymore. Just like footprints in the sand you can see them until the waves come crashing in.
I feel the older I get the more I question where my life is going. What the purpose of my life is and if there is even a purpose. I just want God to drop it in front of me and say Here it is, like it or not, this is what your life holds for you. If that were the case then I could read it and know ok this is what I have to work with and make it that happiest life I could. This whole thing with not knowing what is going to happen and getting your hopes up for something you may never have. It hurts. If you know me, you know have a very strong faith in God. I believe he has a reason for everything he does and that one day we will understand that reason. My biggest issue is that even though I know everything is for a reason I have trouble being ok with the fact that I don't know the reason. I keep telling myself that not having a child isn't a big deal. Russell and I can travel and we have the freedom to come and go as we please. I also tell myself that maybe God is sparing us the heartache of having a child with a disability. Knowing all this why do I fall about when I see a pregnant woman? Why do I have such a urge to hold a baby? I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but I see these people who have more children than they know what to do with and have no way to support them and they do nothing with them. The only question I have when I see that is WHY? Why them and not me? What have I done wrong?

I have many people around me that want to make it better and telling everything is going to be alright. There are also people who don't come around me because they have children and they don't know how to deal with me and my emotions. Guess what it isn't easy dealing with the emotions form this side either.
Here lately I have felt very lost in my life. I hope that I can find the path God has laid out for me and be happy with where ever it leads me.