My Quiet Place

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


My Grandmother is going in for a bi pass surgery next week, which has made me start thinking. I have been thinking about everything she is going to need. The family is rallying together to help her. Some are staying with her, some are bringing meals, etc. Then I started to think about my life. In the past months I have had to start thinking about my life without children. What will my life be like? Will I be able to handle not having children? What does my future look like?
Last night everything came together and I feel apart. When I am my grandmother's age the only person I might have is my husband. There will be no one there to stay and help. No one there to bring meals. No one there to even care. I am so scared! I don't want to be alone!

I want to grow old with my husband and at Christmas time I want our children to come home with the grand kids. I want to have all the handmade ornaments on the tree. I want to have traditions with my family.

Everyday I go to work and look at the children in my class and it just gets wonder what it would be like to actually get to be the mom. Get to see them when they get home and snuggle and love on them. People tell me that even if I don't have children I still have the children I teach. Well let me tell you those children forget me. I don't get to love them the way a mother loves her child. I don't get to snuggle down and read them books. And at the end of the night I come home to my wonderful husband and no child.
I don't know how to make the pain go away. I know I will be fine becasue "I am Strong". I just Worry, about what is to come and if I can make it through. For now I try to look for the great things in my life (which I do have).

For those of you who have children and grandchildren you will never understand what people who can't have children feel. Even when you are just trying to be nice it still hurts.

Monday, April 12, 2010


When I first started teaching I was amazed by the teachers who had been teaching for more than five years. "Wow, I have such a long road until I will be to 5.. or even 10 years."

Now I am sitting at the end of my tenth year... 10 YEARS! This has been a long road coming but sitting her at the end of ten years I look back and all I can say is "wow that went fast."

The Good :
I have to say getting to know new people has been one of the highlights of teaching. I don't only get to know the children but I get to know their families. I met some good friends through teaching. I love watching the students when they figure out they can actually do things on their own. I also feel like I make a difference. I work hard so my students have a better start to their educational life. When they leave me I have done everything in my power to make the independent kids who are prepared for what is coming their way.

The bad :
Even though being a teacher is very rewarding there are a few drawbacks to it. If you end up in a school where the administration isn't great, then everyone suffers. You can be the best teacher in the world but there is only so much you can do with bad administration. Another bad thing about teaching is that the people in charge of deciding what the children will learn actually know nothing about how they learn. They forget that these are children and need breaks, time to move and time to PLAY and have FUN.

The funny:
One of the best things about working with little children is that they are very blunt and say some of the funniest things. Here are a few of my favorites from over the years!

D comes to school and tells me that he won't be at school anymore. I asked him why and he responded that he would be dead. (Wondering what was going on I asked why he would be dead) He said "My mom said if I didn't clean my room.... (then he just shook his head) I figured that the end of that statement was the she was going to kill him. LOL.

During a screening a child asked me when she got to scream. I said we weren't going to scream and she replayed that her mother told her that the were going to a Screaming to get into school.

At Thanksgiving one of our student's mom was pregnant and we asked at Thanksgiving what is your mom going to have... The child thought for a minute and responded "A Turkey" I am sure the baby kind of looked like a turkey but that the response I was looking for.

I have had my ups and downs through the last 10 years. I have learned a lot and I feel like I have grown to be a better teacher. I started as a teacher who was afraid to stand in front of a group and talk. I hated to have to inform parents of their children's short comings. Now these things come easier and easier every year. This is to the Ten years behind me and the many years yet to come. May they be wonderful!!