Today is the day my baby girl would have been four years old. WOW! Four years old. It is very strange to think because I still have a nursery with clothes, blankets and all the baby things you would ever need. It has been four years and the room is still for a baby and today my little girl would have been a big girl.
For the past few weeks I have been thinking about how she would be this year. She would be so excited about Christmas and Santa Claus. She would have sang at church and would have been excited to see the baby Jesus. She would have ornaments on the tree, to represent the years of her life and would have a very special dress for the up coming holiday. I was Christmas shopping the other day and saw ornaments. I wondered which ornament I would have bought for her this year. Would it have been a barbie one or maybe a ballerina.
When I go to bed at night I imagine myself holding her and singing to her. Every night I rock my baby to sleep. Tonight I think she will look different than she ever has in my imagination. I will still rock her and love her. This is something that no one can take away from me. Maybe someday I will have a child that I can celebrate these wonderful events with.... until then I have my thoughts to help me make it through.